"How was it at Dad's?"
"Fine."
Often that is all you get. And yet in that single word sits a world parents would love to understand: is this good for my child? Are we doing it right? Or are we breaking something we cannot fix?
It is a question many separated parents ask at four in the morning. So it is worth looking at what research finds from children themselves, with the right amount of nuance.
What does the Flemish research say?
Researchers from the University of Antwerp, Ghent University and KU Leuven, led by Dimitri Mortelmans, followed families in a new study (2021 to 2024) and compared it with an earlier one (2008 to 2010). They spoke to 3,750 partners and ex-partners and surveyed 271 children and young adults aged 10 to 38. The full results are not published yet, but first figures came out in January.
The headline findings: almost sixty percent of separations end in an equally shared living arrangement, and about eighty percent of children say they are satisfied with the arrangement. Seventy-two percent of children say they are as happy or happier after the separation than before.
At the same time, children often describe the separation itself as sad and frightening.
Both things are true at once. That is exactly the point.
And in the Netherlands?
Statistics Netherlands (CBS) published figures on children's family situations on 17 September. At the start of 2025, 24 percent of 15-year-olds had divorced parents, up from 13 percent in 1995. That share has barely moved for about ten years. Thirty percent of 15-year-olds did not live with both legal parents.
In other words: your child is not the only one in the class. In a group of thirty teenagers, on average seven have parents who no longer live together.
What the numbers do not say
These studies describe averages. Averages do not tell you what it is like for your child, in your home, with your weekly schedule.
Research also does not say that one particular arrangement works for every child. A three-year-old needs something different from a fourteen-year-old. An arrangement that works well in year one may need adjusting in year three.
And research is not ammunition. A figure is not an argument to win the other parent over. Children do not deserve to be used as evidence.
A small group has it much harder
The Flemish study also reports that the group of separations with a lot of conflict has grown: from about one in eight in 2011 to about one in five now. For children in that situation the picture is less rosy.
It also shows that financial pressure after a separation is unevenly spread: 37 percent of divorced mothers say they struggle to make ends meet, against 20 percent of divorced fathers. Money stress often seeps into family life.
These are not accusations aimed at anyone. They are signs that support, from a mediator, a counsellor or a family organisation, often helps.
"My daughter said the other day: if you two stop arguing, I actually like having two rooms." Els, mum of two
What children actually need
Research tells you what happens, not what you should do. But a few things come back again and again for children who do well after a separation:
A predictable rhythm, so they know where they are and when. Parents who do not speak badly about each other when they are around. And room to say how it is, even when that is not nice to hear.
Many parents find that last one the hardest. A child who says "I miss Dad" at Mum's, or "I miss Mum" at Dad's, is not saying anything about you. They are saying they have two parents.
A shared calendar as a resting point
Predictability starts with knowing who has the kids when. A shared calendar both parents can see, with school days, hobbies and handovers, is a small but real stabiliser for many families. It is also why we built Planning: less guessing, more calm.
Good enough is often good
A child does not have to like it to grow up well. They mostly need to know they are allowed to say how it is.
That is a sentence every home can carry.
Sources: VRT NWS, 17 January 2026, on the University of Antwerp, Ghent University and KU Leuven research into separation in Flanders; CBS, 17 September 2026, De gezinssituatie van kinderen 1995-2025. This article is not therapeutic or legal advice.
